I'm home

a) Phone.

My phone is not working. Will get it to work tomorrow. Meanwhile, I'm likely to be online if you guys want to talk to me.

b) Home

Home is such a strange place to me. It's all familiar, yet unfamiliar. I don't know how to explain this, but it's sort of coming back to a strange land, where I cringe to hear Singlish being used. It's not that I'm putting myself above others. It's just... Strange. I don't get it. I mean, I really do love Singapore... Or so I thought. Where did the love for Singapore, Singapore food, etc go?

I ate chicken rice today for the first time in 2 months (the last time, BK's mom cooked for me) and felt nothing. It's not like, "yay! I can finally eat chicken rice." It's just a "erm, okay. lunch. food." I gave no thought to it at all.

That's so not like me. Where did my enthusiasm for food disappear to? I thought I'd be happy to eat something that's Singaporean. Why am I not?

What's this constant whining and missing Japan about? What's this constant dreaming of 0 degrees weather about when I absolutely detest the cold? Why do I think about Japanese and why do I think IN Japanese?

I hope this sudden shock in coming back only lasts a while.

I need to get my act together for my new term. DAMMIT.

I didn't experience homesickness...But I do remember when I came back from America, despite the fact that I was glad to be home, I still felt like I wanted to continue travelling in US.

This time it's different. I didn't feel the "I'm FINALLY HOME" kinda feel when SIA 617 landed. Not even when the lead stewardess said, "to all residents and PRs of Singapore, welcome home".

Home, what is exactly home? Why do I feel this sense of ... dread? Like I don't wanna come home. Like home isn't a home anymore. Home is where my heart is, and my heart is in Japan.

Japan stole my heart, like no one has ever stolen before. It was in Japan where I experience genuine happiness, genuine freedom and genuine friendship. It was in Japan where i experienced my first autumn, first winter. It was in Japan where I first saw red leaves and yellow leaves and orange leaves.. It was in Japan where I first ate raw fish that did not make me throw up.

I SO MISS JAPAN.

I don't know how long I can stand whining about Japan. I don't think any of my friends appreciate this whining about Japan either. I shall attempt to curb my enthusiasm for Japan.

I talked to Daryn online this morning. We're moving our Japan trip forward. Next year, April.

Japan, here I come next year. Please wait for me...