Saturday, November 29, 2008

Midori no Hibi - Mou Sukoshi

My favourite sentence in this entire song is: どうか神様僕に勇気を下さい。

It means: Somehow, God, please give me courage. I really really really like this sentence. haha. I don't believe in Gods, but I still think it's very sweet...

Original / Romaji Lyrics


soshite kizuita toki ni kangaeteru no wa kimi no koto de...
sore ga sugoku hazukashikattari
sugoku iyadattari omoete
sore wa boku ga kimochi wo tsutaeru koto ga kowai kara de

atama de osaetsukete mo kokoro ga dousuru koto mo dekinakute
autabi ni kimi ni satorarenai youni
itsumo to kawarinai youni hanashiteru tsumori de

yoyuu mo nakute kurushiku natta boku wa
kimi ni uso wo tsuiteshimau... dakedo

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no kokoro ni chikazuitara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
ima kono toki ga kienai youni

douka kamisama boku ni yuuki wo kudasai

soshite omoiagunete mo kakkou warui dake no boku de...
kimi ga dou omotteru no ga ki ni natte mo
ippo mo saki he sumanai wakatteru tsumori de

jibun jyanai you na mune no MOYAMOYA ga
itaku natte nigetakunaru... dakedo

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no soba ni irareta nara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
yoru yoake nai de kureta nara
sabishii toki mo namida wo nugutte ageru kara

yozora ni ukabu kakete mo hikaru tsuki ga
tsuyoku mo narenai jishin mo nai
boku wo mite hohoenda hora ne...

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no soba ni irareta nara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
yoru yoake nai de kureta nara

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no kokoro ni chikazuitara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
ima kono toki ga kienai you ni

douka kamisama boku ni yuuki wo kudasai

English Translation

When I noticed I was thinking about you...
I felt very embarassed
And I really hate that feeling
That's because I'm afraid to convey my feelings

Even though I suppress it in my head I can't do anything about my heart
I don't let you notice it when we meet
So it can be normal how I plan to talk to you

To act so composed has started to hurt
Lying to you I will put away... but

A little more... A little more...
If I can get closer to your heart
A little more... A little more...
So that this moment won't end

Please God, give me courage

When I'm alone with my bad crazy thoughts
I worry about what you think of me
I'm sorry I stepped forward to try to let you know

I'm not myself, I don't like the fog around my heart
Depending on someone else makes me run away... but

A little more... A little more...
If I can get beside you
A little more... A little more...
Night does not continue once dawn comes
So wipe away your tears when you're feeling lonely

The glowing moon floats out into the heavens
I'm not stronger or more confident
See me smiling, look, OK?

A little more... A little more...
If I can get beside you
A little more... A little more...
Night does not continue once dawn comes

A little more... A little more...
If I can get closer to your heart
A little more... A little more...
So that this moment won't end

Please God, give me courage

Friday, November 28, 2008

My Senseis

I learnt a lot of conjugations since the start of this term. Robbie says that KGU is a bad place to study Japanese. Actually, personally speaking, I think it's a wonderful wonderful place to study Japanese. He says that there's no intensive Japanese courses (like in some other colleges, 20 hours of Japanese per week). I guess, having 20 hours of Japanese per week would help to improve the language skills by loads. Still, I like my Senseis (both SPJ and RWJ) and I like my class. I like the pace, and I think it's just nice, although sometimes a little fast for me. Especially when we haven't really caught on with the short forms or the te-forms yet. But, it's still manageable, as long as you do your own revision after class.

Yesterday, I studied the whole of Chapter 10 by myself. We're only covering till Chapter 9 this term. So, I took my Chapter 10 homework to Naito-Sensei and asked, "Would you please help me correct my work?" Actually I wanted to say, "I know it's above and beyond your call of duty, because you're only obliged to teach me till Chapter 9, but will you do it anyway, please?" But I didn't because she immediately said, "It's my pleasure to mark it for you." And she said it with such sincerity, you cannot doubt it.

Such is the greatness of a teacher in KGU.

I talked to both Senseis about my worry that when I go back Singapore, I wouldn't have time nor the determination to see my Japanese through. And I'm afraid I'd just give up on it, because the environment is not suitable for learning Japanese. Sakihabara-Sensei told me, "Well, you can write to me!" And she meant it too. Naito-Sensei suggested a teacher who'd gone from KGU to NUS to teach Japanese, and maybe I should look her up in NUS.

I really am thankful to my Senseis for their support. To Fiona, who chose KGU too, you chose the right university to be in. The (Japanese) teachers are not only very very friendly and approachable, they are also very kind and they take their teaching job seriously. They really are proud of their students when their students master new words, or new sentences. In all honesty, I'm touched by their sincerity and patience. I was observing this student in class who seemed to have all but given up on RWJ. Even then, Sakihabara-sensei would constantly, constantly encourage him. Naito-sensei is very very happy when students ask to see her during her consultation periods. They genuinely care for us.

I owe my ability to speak the language more fluently now in part to my senseis, who were very patient and answered my endless questions to the best of their ability. I think, the people I'd miss the most (other than Daryn and the host family) will be my teachers.

先生、ありがとうございます!先生は優しくて、いつも学生を手伝って、いちばん先生ですよ!私は先生を忘れないと思います。本当にありがとうございます!

***
And so, with Daryn's help, now I can express myself like this:

どうか、神様あたしにゆきさをください。その人、忘れてみたいですけど、全然忘れません。助けてください!悲しいですから。(Don't mind, Don't mind, Don't mind, Don't mind, なかないで。。。羞恥心持って!)

***
死ぬほどう咳がでます。 Again. Everyday is a losing fight with the virus. I have fallen, again, to cough. DAMNED IT. What's wrong with my body? It's so bloooooooooooooooooody weak lah. *($)#&*%($&*%($ And it has nothing to do with eating icecream on a cold day. A virus is spreading. Masayuki is sick too... =X

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

=X

Alex and I didn't go to Fushimi-Inari today because both of us are caught in the 2nd wave of the flu. Both of us coincidentally fell sick on Monday. Him at Mount Fuji and I at Arashiyama. Haha, I boasted to him, "I went to Arashiyama on Monday BY MYSELF" and he was like, "You didn't want to go with me! And you went by yourself?" But but but, how to go with him? I'm already planning to skip class one of these days!!! I couldn't afford to skip anymore classes... Hmm, I didn't ask him if he went to Arashiyama on Friday after all though. Anyhow, (if he feels better), he's going Fushimi-Inari tomorrow and I'm going next Friday with Daryn.

Anyways, the illness is only the beginning for me. The previous bout of sickness, Alex recovered within the weekend, but I took 2.5 weeks to recover. I don't know what it's gonna be like this time. =( -sighs- I hate getting sick. Maybe I should really take the antibiotics I brought to Japan, in case it's only a bacteria. =X My vit c don't help at all. *sighs*

Otoosan very kindly made lunch for me last night. He fried oysters (I dislike oysters, but since he cooked it, I ate it) and steamed siew mai. Then, he added lettuce and a slice of apple. The slice of apple was cut in a shape of a rabbit face. Haha, it was SO CUTE. =) Then, he said, "Take the rice in the fridge". I think, he feels sorry for me because I told him last night that I can't cook. It's true what, I can't. I know it's practice makes perfect, but there's always someone else cooking for me. In Florida, FY cooked. In Singapore, my mom and dad cook. And if they don't, there's always the hawker centre downstairs. In Japan, Okaasan cooks. I totally have no need to cook at all. Of course, I'm not very proud of the fact that I can't cook, but it's the truth and I can't lie, right? =X

Today I had presented in my Issues class. I don't even know how many % this presentation is, actually. But, just in case, I dressed extremely formally, as if I were in SMU, going for my business class presentations. A long sleeve shirt, black pants, my black coat, and black court shoes. I am only missing a tie actually. Haha. It's not even a black and white combination lah. It was an all black, solemn outfit. But, given my topic, it was suitable. My topic was: Suicide. I think Fedorowicz wasn't very pleased when I said, "Well, if they want to commit suicide do it in a more considerate manner! Why should they throw themselves off the platform and inconvenience everyone else?" And he said, "And make everyone else late by what, 5-10 minutes?" I'm a psychology student and I know that depressed people sometimes can't think very well. And who cares about inconveniencing other people when it's your misery that you're focusing on. But I also have very little tolerance for people who do not treasure their lives. It may sound super heartless here, but if you wanna commit suicide, go ahead. Perhaps, I've lived too blessed a life. I don't know what it's like for people who cannot find meaning in life. *shrugs* But then, there're plenty of reasons why people want to commit suicide [that's for my report, and not for discussion here till I submit my report].

Anyways, so, the presentation went pretty well, I thought. Fedorowicz will give me his comments in my mailbox sometime soon for me to finish my paper. *crosses fingers* I hope it's not many amendments! I'd hate to have to rewrite my essay. He did say, "Good job, Huey". So, I presume it's gonna be okay. The last time a teacher said, "Good Job" and meant it, it was Hong Dong. Haha, I love Hong Dong. He was such a great Finance prof. =)

Ah, on a bright note! We had our skit presentation last week in Japanese and we were supposed to vote for the best presentation and the best speaker. I got the best speaker award! haha. Yay! Sorry, couldn't help but show off =P

Yes, those are random comments from this past week. Tomorrow's already Thursday. So exciting. Soon it'd be weekend. 食べ放題 (all you can eat) on Friday! Omg, so exciting :)

Daryn and I have decided to be loose with money and food from now on. Haha. It's our last month here. We are just going to enjoy ourselves. It took me about 6 weeks in USA to realise that I should let go of my stinginess and just enjoy myself because I'd not have the same experience ever again. It took me 3 months in Japan to realise the same thing. But then, in USA, I was working and I had income. Here, I don't. =X Ah well. :) At least I realise it before it's too late =)

Hmm, X unlocked his blog just for today. So, I wandered thru the entire of this year's blog posts. [blog stalking! :P] He was in Japan from Jan to July, for a full 7 months of language immersion. I'm only here for 4 months.. I'm very envious, to be honest. Most importantly, HE GRADUATES THIS TERM. &($#&*(%$#*($#. Stupid econs-biz students. I have to struggle just to make it to the 4 year mark =X And now, I'm not even sure if I can pass Entrepreneurship. If I don't, then I'll have to take an extra term in SMU JUST FOR THE FREAKING COURSE?!! Haha, Daryn asked me, "You seriously think you're gonna fail it?" There are many times when I'd say something like, "I'm gonna fail a course! Help~ " but I don't mean it. This time, I SWEAR, I mean it. *sighs* Like I said, if I get a D, I'd be damned happy lah.

Sighs, somehow, I wish I could stay just a bit longer. Just a little bit longer... It's less than a month to me getting kicked out of my homestay. Just a bit longer, just a bit longer, just a bit bit bit longer... :'(

Arashiyama - 24 Nov

I woke up at 6am, showered and got on to the train by 7.08a.m. (the Japanese trains are super punctual). Arrived at Shichi-jo Station, walked to JR Kyoto Station (actually was quite cold ~brr~), got onto the train and stopped at Saga Arashiyama (Platform 31 or 32 at Kyoto Station). I reached Arashiyama at around 8.40a.m. Rather early, but by that time, there were many people already.

My plan for the day: Get to Tenryuji Temple (the temple that I was supposed to be at when I was in Tokyo) and orientate myself. Get to the bamboo groves, the Togetsukyo Bridge, Monkey Park, Romantic Train and then go home.

Out of all those, I didn't do the Monkey Park, nor the Romantic Train, because it started raining after 3 hours =X Sighs. But, before it started raining, I got fantastic pictures :) I took a lot of pictures (175 to be exact) but I'm only putting up my best few pictures, because it's so sianz to wait for the pictures to upload :)

At Tenryuji Temple (Actually, ji already means temple, so having the word temple after ji is tautology! But since they call it that way, I'd just have to stick to it. =X)

Tenryuji Temple is the top of the Great Five Zen Temples. It is actually a UNESCO world heritage site.





























This is one of the "National Treasures". A beautiful garden with loads of fall colours. I didn't have the money to go into it though (it was 500 for entrance fee). Okay, wrong. I had the money, but was too stingy to spend it.

After Tenryuji, I was wandering around. So, at some corner, I noticed several people walking to a small path to the side. So, I followed. And... Tadah! I got to the famous Bamboo Groves :)




















The small road that leads into the Bamboo Groves.




















The Bamboo Groves path that seems to go on forever.















Bamboo! :)

I was taking pictures of myself and the bamboo grove when this very very nice old man came up to me and asked (in Japanese) if I needed him to take a photo of me. That was so nice of him! :) I meet really friendly people in Japan (even if I meet horrible cyclists who knock into me and never apologise).















The path continues Nonomiya Jinja (Shrine).


































I couldn't resist taking a picture of this, even though I know it's very rude of me to do so. I apologised to the Inari figures though! But, isn't it soooooooooo cute?

Anyways, continued my journey and found my way up (160metres) to an observatory deck. It would have been the most splendid thing I've seen, if I hadn't been up on Hieizan =) But it was still breath-taking. My photos look a bit blur, but that's because of the fog.















There were 3 observation decks. The last one was the best.















I've been looking for places to sit down and have my bento. :) And I found it at Arashiyama.















No, Okaasan did not wake up at 6am to make lunch for me. I brought sandwich along :) So, I sat here and finished my sandwich. In the midst of Nature's most wonderful beauty. It was absolutely breath-taking. I cannot emphasize how beautiful it was...














I like this shot the best out of all my Arashiyama pictures (even more than the previous one with the different tree colours) because it has all sorts of colours here: Orange, yellow, red, green.. The framing was really good (and it wasn't even deliberate. I'm a bad photographer, but Nature makes it seem as if I'm good).

Then, there was this really small and steep stairway that I saw an old man walking down from. So I decided to follow him. The stairs were really slippery and steep. Halfway, the old man saw me climbing down behind him, and interestingly, he stopped, waited for me to catch up with him before he continued downwards. He was actually waiting for me, and a little worried that I would slip and fall. When I eventually reached the bottom, we started chatting, in Japanese. For most part, I could understand (Sensei has really taught me well) and could reply him. He had been to Singapore twice, and liked Singapore very much (as if anyone would tell you he didn't like your country on your first meeting... haha). He told me he lived nearby and would often bike to Arashiyama because the view was so good. He also told me at night, there would be lights and the effect was wondrous (hence, the 2nd visit to Arashiyama on 20 dec).















He went on his way and I went exploring again. There is a boat tour from Kameoka to Arashiyama (2 hours, 3900 yen). You can take the Romantic Train (600yen) to Kameoka, and then the boat tour back. The boat seats 20 people and is handled by 3 rowers as seen from my picture.

And then, it started drizzling :(

But not before I got to Togetsukyo Bridge! :)















Tadah! The super famous bridge with Mt Arashiyama in the background :) I completed my most important mission of the trip.















Birds taking flight. They are so pretty and graceful. I can never stop watching birds taking flight, or trying to take pictures of them doing so.

I didn't have an umbrella, so had to rely on the hood of my autumn jacket. It didn't help much actually =X But then, I got this stupid idea of eating an icecream while walking in the rain without an umbrella.























Tadah. My icecream. Cookies and Cream.

It was a rather enjoyable experience, I must say... To have the wind blow at you, and raindrops on your face and on your icecream while you devour it happily is quite an experience. Haha. Next time, I'll eat icecream in Winter.















But then, I was super cold after that. So, was walking back to Saga-Arashiyama JR Station when I passed by this croquette shop. Usually, croquettes sell for 3 for 100yen. This croquette was 80yen. But, what the heck. I needed something warm to hold. It was beef flavoured croquette. Delicious :)















One of those new crazes in Japan, I think. It's matcha cream on bread. I regretted buying it, to be honest. I just wanted to try it out, but there was no one to share my food with me. Usually, if Daryn and I went out and I wanted to try something, she'd try it with me, and we'd share the cost. =X Ah well. it was a 250yen lesson.

I got back home at 1.30p.m. and received a call from my groupmate panicky and stressed out. Then, I became panicky and stressed out too =X Sighs. It was a good half of the day, until I got home and had to face reality of undone work and presentation impending. Oh wells. That's real life for you.

Hmm, I sort of regret doing what I did yesterday, walking in the rain. Because, I THINK I've fallen sick. This morning, woke up with a terrible sorethroat. And then, the whole day I've got the fever aches. So, I skipped the afternoon lessons to come home to sleep. Can't say I feel much better though. *sighs* But I couldn't sleep, that's why I'm blogging now. Oh wells. I hope to get well soon.

Next time I go out, will bring an umbrella. =X To think I lectured Daryn on the importance of bringing and umbrella! -_-||

Monday, November 24, 2008

I should be doing my project instead of surfing facebook... =X

那么一对情侣.女孩很漂亮,非常善解人意,偶尔时不时出些坏点子耍耍男孩.男孩很聪明,也很懂事,最主要的一点.幽默感很强.总能在2个人相处中找到可以逗女孩发笑的方式.女孩很喜欢男孩这种乐天派的心情.他们一直相处不错,女孩对男孩的感觉,淡淡的,说男孩象自己的亲人.男孩对女孩爱甚深,非常非常在乎她.所以每当吵架的时候,男孩都会说是自己不好,自己的错.即使有时候真的不怪他的时候,他也这么说.他不想让女孩生气.就这样过5年,男孩仍然非常爱女孩,象当初一样.

有一个周末,女孩出门办事,男孩本来打算去找女孩,但是一听说她有事,就打消了这个念头.他在家里呆了一天,他没有联系女孩,他觉得女孩一直在忙,自己不好去打 扰 他.谁知女孩在忙的时候,还想着男孩,可是一天没有接到男孩的消息,她很生气.晚上回家后,发了条信息给男孩,话说得很重.甚至提到了分手.当时是晚上12点.男孩心急如焚,打女孩手机,连续打了3次,都给挂断了.打家里电话没人接,猜想 是 女孩把电话线拔了.孩抓起衣服就出门了,他要去女孩家.当时是12点25. 女孩在12点40的时候又接到了男孩的电话,从手机打来的,她又给挂断了.一夜无话.男孩没有再给女孩打电话.

第2天,女孩接到男孩母亲的电话,电话那边声泪俱下.男孩昨晚出了车祸.警方说是车速过快导致刹车不急,撞到了一辆坏在半路的大货车.救护车到的时候,人已经不行了. 女孩心痛到哭不出来,可是再后悔也没有用了.她只能从点滴的回忆中来怀念男孩带给她的欢乐和幸福.女孩强忍悲痛来到了事故车停车场,她想看看男孩呆过的最后的地方.车已经撞得完全不成样子. 方向盘上,仪表盘上,还沾有男孩的血迹.男孩的母亲把男孩当时身上的遗物给了女孩,钱包,手表,还有那部沾满了男孩鲜血的手机.
女孩翻开钱包,里面有她的照片,血渍浸透了大半张.当女孩拿起男孩的手表的时候,赫然发现,手表的指针停在12点35分附近.

女孩瞬间明白了,男孩在出事后还用最后一丝力气给她打电话,而她自己却因为还在堵气没有接.
男孩再也没有力气去拨第2遍电话了,他带着对女孩的无限眷恋和内疚走了.

女孩永远不知道,男孩想和她说的最后一句话是什么.女孩也明白,不会再有人会比这个男孩,更爱她了!

爱上一个人的7个预兆
1.当你正在忙时,却把手机开著,等著她/他的短信..你已经爱上她/他了
2.如果你喜欢和她/他两个人单独漫步..你已经爱上她/他了
3.当你和她/他在一起时,你会假装不注意他,但是当她离/他开你的视线 时,你 会急著寻找她/他...你已 经爱上她了
4.当她/他受伤或生病时,你会很关心她,替她/他著急..你已经爱上他了
5.当她/他和别人要好时,你会感到吃不知其味...你已经爱上他了
6.当你看到她/他那甜美的笑时,你的嘴角会扬起一丝得意的笑..你已经爱上她 / 他了...
7.当你看到这篇文章时,心里想到某个人

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Howl's Moving Castle Main Theme Song

I'm back early from Arashiyama. Maybe I'll go again someday soon. I kinda think that Daryn should go there since it's so bloody famous lah. Anyways, I didn't get to the Monkey Park, nor the Sagano Romantic Train because a) it was raining after 3 hours, and b) the Romantic Train was fully booked till 4pm. =X Will upload pictures sometime soon. I've got fascinating pictures from wandering around Arashiyama and climbing up and down stairs. It's comparable to Mount Hiei's pictures too =)

Received an email in the inbox a few days ago by this professor asking me to take on Teaching Assistant-ship. I would love to, except that the course has nothing to do with what I'm doing leh. *sighs* My favourite psychology prof has left school already, so I can't ask to be her TA anymore. Sighs. I need the money, and I have the time (I THINK, even with 6.5 courses and an RA position). But I got no time to go and create my CV or get my academic transcripts. *sighs* Sianz. I hate all these paperwork stuff. =X Too bad Prof Yang isn't teaching next semester, else I'd do BP TA-ship under him.

I'm super stressed. And I really mean super stressed. I forgot my phone (as usual) and when I eventually got home, I received a call from paulina about my entrepreneurship course project. Seriously, if I even get a D+ on this, I'd die from happiness. I hate this course so much I cannot express my hatred coherently. It's such a mendokusai course. =( So ma fan, and incredibly boring except for the accounting bits.

And I've got a presentation this wednesday, with my research almost 70% done. Maybe I should skip entrepreneurship class tomorrow... *sighs*

***

I was at piano recital yesterday and this 2 ladies (friends of Okaasan) are going to play this song for my farewell party (held on the 23rd Dec).



It's such a beautiful song. It's called Promise of the World (世界の約束). I loved Howl's Moving Castle. I think I actually bought the VCD if I'm not mistaken. It's really a wonderful movie. =) I have "My Neighbour Totoro" (by the same director: Hayao Miyazaki) on my computer now. It came from Renee who sent me the entire file (4gb) through MSN on a Saturday morning when we had Technology and World Change class. It was amazingly fast, I swear. Within 1 hour, transfer was complete. Haha, because it's such a rare situation (that internet connection in SMU was so fast), I still keep it on my computer as memory. =)

P.S. OMG, I compared my pictures to my previous pictures when I just arrived. Okay, settled. I definitely have gained weight... =(

*()$#&*%($&^)*$(#&%(*$%@!#_@

*()$#&*%($&^)*$(#&%(*$%@!#_@

GOD SAVE ME FROM NOISY CHILDREN AT HOME.

$(#)*%($&^*$(^&*@^$#((_(!)_!+!($)@*$(#

I want to finish my research and paper by today so I can be at peace with myself when I go explore Arashiyama tomorrow. BUT ($)#&%*$(@!_+#)@$&#(*^%&$*$)(# CHILDREN ARE DISTURBING ME. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM.

Seriously, Okaasan should have put a lock in my room. Apparently, she was very confused as to whether to put a lock or not because I wrote in my application form, "I'm most worried about the lack of privacy". But she didn't. *()$#&*%($^*$(&@*($@

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

I'm going crazy.

HELP MEEEEEEE...

P.S. I know the signs of stress. I start eating. A lot. Really, A LOT. I can sit in front of the computer and finish a whole packet of cornflakes (230g) within the first hour. I need my brain to control my eating habits, but when the brain goes to studying or writing research papers, there's nothing to control my mouth. =X This is so reminiscence of Singapore. I remember last term when I had 3 papers due in one week. It was a constant fight against the urge to eat. And I sat in front of the computer all the time, without doing anything but type and type and plan and type. AND EAT. Haha. Rama said he hopes I come back with C+s. It'd be a good experience for me. :P Personally, I think that'd be good for me too, because I'm such an over-achiever. It's called, LEARNING HOW TO RELAX. But, no lah. Cannot help it. *sighs*

Saturday, November 22, 2008

「我還想她」 - 林俊傑



「我還想她」

作詞:邢增華 作曲:林俊傑

淚水 將我淹沒 到底誰該難過
究竟 是誰放掉 這段感情
我才終於明白 辦不到的承諾 就成了枷鎖
現實中幸福永遠缺貨

請告訴她 我不愛她
笑著難過 自我懲罰
想終止這一切掙扎 橫了心 說真心謊話

別告訴她 我還想她
恨總比愛容易放下
當淚水堵住了胸口 就讓沉默 代替所有回答

我才終於明白 辦不到的承諾 就成了枷鎖
現實中幸福永遠缺貨

請告訴她 我不愛她
笑著難過 自我懲罰
想終止這一切掙扎 橫了心 說真心謊話

別告訴她 我還想她
恨總比愛容易放下
當淚水堵住了胸口 就讓沉默 代替所有回答

我不愛 我不痛 我不懂
我的心 早已掏空
真心話 言不由衷

請告訴她 我不愛她
笑著難過 自我懲罰
想終止這一切掙扎 橫了心 說真心謊話

別告訴她 我還想她
恨總比愛容易放下
當淚水堵住了胸口 就讓沉默 代替所有回答

別告訴她 我還想她 就讓沉默 代替所有回答


P.S. Yuko told me, November 22, written in Japan as: 11/22 stands for いい夫婦 (means good couple). If I do get married, I shall plan to get married on this day! Sounds so romantic! =P

P.P.S. And then, she told me a joke. What does 11/11 stand for? And the answer is: Pocky の日 (Pocky Day). Because 1111 looks like 4 pocky lined up together. HOW LAME IS THAT RIGHT? hahahahah.

Mount Hiei

I promised myself that I would visit Mount Hiei in autumn. Today, I finally did. And I do not regret it one bit. It cost me a lot of money for travelling. In fact, everything I spent today was on travelling. So, here are the directions, if anyone needs it (I'm talking about you, Fiona, haha):

Keihan Main Line from wherever you are to Demachiyanagi Station. But because I'm けち (stingy), I stopped at Sanjo (340yen) and walked along the Kawabata River to Demachiyanagi Station (30 minutes or so). From Demachiyanagi, take the Eizan Line. If you stop at Demachiyanagi Station, when you exit, you'd be in front of the Eizan Line anyways. Take the Eizan Line to Yase Hieizanguchi (260yen). Follow the crowd and walk to the Yase Cable Line (i.e. Cable Station). You take the Cable Line either to the Hiei Station or to Hiei Sancho (top of the mountain). I took it up to the top of the mountain (840yen). Basically, there's nothing to see. So was a little bit disappointed. I recommend then you take to Hiei Station and then climb up to Hiei Sancho. Like that you save about 300yen. I came down by the Keihan bus to Kyoto Station (580yen). There are many many stops, so you can stop at Demachiyanagi Keihan Station, Sanjo Keihan Station, Shijo Keihan Station if you wish too. But I wanted to take pictures of the architecture in Kyoto Station for Jia, so I went to JR Kyoto Station instead. It took me about 100 minutes. Very very long. And there was no seat at all, so I ended up standing for the entire bus ride =( Then, it was from Shichijo (closest Keihan Line to Kyoto Station) back (340yen). Very expensive day today was. And I didn't spend anything on omiyage, or on food. Altogether, very worth it though. Especially in Autumn.

Enryaku-ji was the main reason why I went to Mount Hiei. It's a Tendai temple and Nichiren, Shinran and Dogen all rejected its teachings and went on to form their own denominations (Nichiren = Nichiren-shu, Shinran = Pure Land Jodoshin-shu, Dogen = Soto-zen). Although the former students/disciples all criticised the Tendai sect quite badly, in the Daikodo Temple (大講堂), the pictures of former disciples were put up quite openly (and seemingly to advertise their connections to the Tendai Sect). Very strange, it was.

I took a total of 248 pictures today. This is the most number of pictures I took this semester. Facebook doesn't even have enough space for 1 album for my pictures. Haha. I will put my best 5 pictures here though.















This was taken inside the Cable Car. It's just to show the different colours of Autumn. The best views were actually when we were on our way down in the bus. (A) Because they refused to let people walk down the road and (B) if they allowed, I think given the way the drivers drive here, I'd be dead by now, I didn't get a really good shot =( If only I know how to drive. Or have someone who knows how to drive drive me there... (though I'd get car sick. haha.)















This was taken from a few metres below the top of the mountain (the mountain is 840metres above sea level). I think the picture is pretty cool. =)















This was taken just around the Cable Sakamoto. It's a different cable from the one I took (the longest cable in Japan, and more expensive than the Yase Cable =(). But the view... Oh, breathtaking.















This was taken from the viewing terrace at Sakamoto Cable Station. It's my best picture, I think. I love it :) And, if I'm not at all mistaken, that's Lake Biwa.















During one of those off the track times... I took this. I like the sky in it. It's so... pretty. 空 (sky).

So, I start out at Hiei Sancho (山頂) and hiked down (very slippery the walk was) to a mid point. After which, I sort of tagged along two groups of tour group to Enryaku-ji. Enryaku-ji costs 550yen, by the way. I walked out of Enryaku-ji, trying to find a way to the bottom of the mountain without taking the bus or the cable car (fat hope! I wish! If I did walk all the way down, I'd be still there now lah). So, wandered to Sakamoto Cable Station, and then did one of those off the tracks exploration. =X Sighs, sometimes, I wonder why I'm so curious and where my sense of caution went to. I keep doing these weird off to the side kinda exploration that I think will someday get me into trouble =X Anyways, wandered all the way down to some ulu-ated temple complex (ulu but well kept, so I guess someone must live there) till I came to a dead end. And then had to climb right back up. I seriously thought I was going to get pneumonia or something lah. The temperature was 8 degrees and I was panting like crazy. =X If Daryn were with me, she might have killed me. Haha. Luckily I was alone.

And, if anyone wants to nag at me about the dangers of travelling alone in a place where I can barely speak the language, I want to say... Although yeah, I went there alone, it's Autumn. There are plenty of tour groups for me to tag along with. There is strength in numbers. So, don't worry. It's only those little side trips that I keep taking because I want to know what else I've not seen... Okay, I'm not being reassuring, am I? Haha, but really, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I've proven that so far, haven't I?

Anyways, after that half-dead exploration, I decided to go back before it got dark. Took the train to Kyoto Station (where we can take the Shinkansen from, instead of from Osaka).

It's a very interesting architecture piece, I must say... I think Jia will be interested in this.




















Merry Xmas! It's gonna be Xmas in about a month's time =( It also means I'm leaving in about a month's time. *SAD SAD SAD*















Taken in the Sky Garden at Kyoto Station.




















Who goes to Kyoto and not take a picture of Kyoto Tower? Just like, who goes to Tokyo and not take a picture of Tokyo Tower?















On my way back to Shichijo Station...

That concludes my very fulfilling day. I'm happy with my decision today.

Monday will be Arashiyama. Wednesday, Fushimi-Inari. Friday, all you can eat meat buffet.

Next next Monday, I'm thinking of skipping classes, but I might have presentation on Tuesday. Well, whatever. I'm skipping either Wednesday or Monday next next week. Because I want to go to Ohara. I keep seeing Ohara being advertised but I don't know what it is. I'm afraid of going too late, because if that's the case, then all the leaves would have fallen :(

I never knew Maple tree to be so beautiful. Haha, my favourite tree is the maple tree. <3















Taken just outside Yase Cable Car Station.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Miscellaneous updates meaningless to anyone but me

Alex was trying to persuade me to skip classes tomorrow to go to Arashiyama with him, Trey (one of my groupmates and his frisbee mate) and Wadey. I suggested Saturday but he said he was gonna be in Tokyo by then, so... *sighs* nevermind, I will go to Arashiyama myself on Saturday then. It's been such a long time since I went anywhere by myself though, that I'm sort of unsettled and worried. Haha, of course, my Japanese has improved since then, so I will be able to understand directions roughly. At least ますぐ、右、左. Haha. Still... =X It worries me. I think it was the same for Daryn when I was in Tokyo. Sighs, what will I do without herrrrrrrr... =(

I keep telling everyone that I'd wanna stay for another semester. But then, while washing plates today, I thought about it seriously. If I did stay for another semester, Daryn would be gone. Seeing that I depend so much on her, it'd be like I lost an arm or something and can't function as well. The fun in Japan is made up of 80% going around with her, acting cute and narcissistic with her and doing all sorts of silly things like get on the swing in some random park. Neither of us like smoke, nor do we like to drink, nor do we like late nights out. So we fit each other perfectly. But... once she's gone and Im all alone in Japan, it'd be a sad case, wouldn't it? While I still love Japan very much, the enjoyment would be cut into half.

*sighs* Autumn days are short. I need to hurry go out there and snap more pictures before trees turn bare (some are right now). And seeing that it's me myself this weekend, I can afford to leave my place at 7.30am and wander around till 8pm. =) 12 hours to wander around, not a bad idea. Heh.私は たくさんお金を持つ so that I can buy stuff. =)

Alex and I have decided to go to this famous mountain next Wednesday after class (so famous I forgot the name of it)... He says to catch the view during sunset and at night, it's gonna be so beautiful. Okay, so, please await my pretty pictures on Wednesday. Haha. Well, I could also skip RWJ class on Thursday morning if I reach home too late... *ponders seriously* I'm allowed to skip 30% of classes for RWJ and SPJ. But I've only skipped 1 class of SPJ and none for RWJ. Let me consider reallllllllly seriously about skipping class. I wouldn't skip another SPJ class cos I got lost somewhat after I skipped it last Monday. =X But RWJ is another thing =P

Ah, speaking of SPJ classes, we presented our Japanese skit today. Haha, it went fine. At least, we were relatively fluent :) I think Andrew took a video of the entire thing lah but I'm too lazy to get it from him. Haha. But it was so funny. I think all the skits presented today had something to do with going out and eating. =X Sebastian was really good at being the waiter. いっらしゃいませ! It was so amusing!!! He did it exactly the way waiters do in Japan, with the last せ held longer and in high pitch. we wanted to make him act out the set lunch bit [chicken = flap his arm, etc] but he refused. Oh well. Haha.

Hmm, sometimes weather forecasts aren't 准。Today was warmer than yesterday. The highest was 11 degrees. It also wasn't as windy as yesterday. So no wind chill. As I was walking up Gotenyama, I could see my breath! haha, it's so cold that there's mist! I love blowing into the air and watching the mist. It's one of those simple pleasures in life :) the best part about walking today is: I dressed up super warmly. I had a warm shirt inside, a sweat shirt and my white autumn coat =) [yes, the usual black and white theme]. Hehe. So it was altogether a great walk up and down Gotenyama. Oh, and last night, the temperature dropped to 1 degree, but I was asleep under my mountain of 4 blankets and the heater was on so 大丈夫! =)

Hmm... Everyone knows I dislike coffee. But, for the first time in many months (the last time was in SMU in April), I felt the need to consume coffee to focus on studying for the test today. Totally couldn't study my accounting stuff, so I went to sleep last night / this morning without reading even 10% of the material. I think I'm in hibernation mode already. I'm so tired and sleepy every single day. Anyways, didn't manage to get black coffee from Okaasan this morning, so ended up getting coffee at Seattle's best for 370 yen (I guess you could say it's normal price lah). Haha, cookies and cream latte when the temperature is 9 degrees, anyone? But later, I promptly got a huge headache and became nauseous. My body is so not suited to drinking coffee... The last time I finished Daryn's coffee for her, I became motion sick on the Shinkansen. =X Well, thats sort of good lah. It just means my body isn't dependent on caffeine, unlike most of my peers.

As I was doing some sums in preparation for my accounting test today, I felt strongly that... Maybe I need a math course every semester. I feel like I'm not working my brains if I don't have a math course. Okay, scratch that. I work my brains, but then a math course gives me a right/wrong answer. There's no in between kinda feeling that I like. Because I take soft sciences, I always end up having to argue X or argue Y and eventually, still have it left open for debate. But in math... There's no open to debate, at least not what I study. It's right/wrong. End of story. It's refreshing in some ways. It gives me something to focus on too. I don't know how to explain it. While I love the subjects I study, it's always great to have a subject that you know if u put in effort, u'd get 100%. Versus something that is totally totally dependent on what the professor thinks and whether s/he thinks the same way as you (for example, my reaction essays).

Speaking of reaction essay, I wrote a reaction essay about mizu shobai and the host club industry. And got an A! After the B he gave me the last time, I totally panicked. Call me perfectionist, but I'd prefer seeing an A for my reaction essays leh. Haha. Well, here it is, if u're interested in reading it anyways. I didn't think it deserving of an A. I'd have been kinda happy if I got an A-, but A is great. hehe.

The Host Club Industry

According to the documentary, “The Great Happiness Space”, 70-80% of the women who go to host clubs work in the mizu shobai. We can interpret this figure in two ways: either the women are so taken with going to host clubs that they willingly work in the mizu shobai, or they initially were already working in the mizu shobai and go to these clubs to de-stress after work. Of course, I should highlight, these two groups are not mutually exclusive.

I have great sympathy for the latter group of women. Most women working in the mizu shobai feel “bad about selling [their bodies]”. They spend the night catering to the needs of demanding men whom they (at least most) feel no love for. After a day of serving others, they need to be served; to feel like a “princess” and be put on a pedestal. A comment by one of the women working in a fuzoku, struck me as extremely sad. She said, “I can get anything [material] I want… [but] I really want to smile.” For these women, their visits to the host clubs are a way of escape from a reality they would rather not exist. The hosts make them happy and allow them to forget their stress at work.

Some women claim to have fallen in love with their hosts and so, work in the mizu shobai to support their hosts. Going to the host clubs is an addiction for them. They need to see those hosts; they get jealous when the hosts pay more attention to other clients; they spend money to compete with their rivals and do other things to get the hosts’ attention. I feel sorry for them because they obviously are dreaming. They ought to know better, but they don’t. Host clubs are, as Issei put it so eloquently, “in the business of selling dreams” and “fake relationships”. In essence, the women and male hosts are simply buying and selling romance as a commodity. Hosts understand this basic concept and try not to get overly attached to someone. “Once feelings are involved, you lose,” so said Issei. Customers who visit, on the other hand, sometimes blur the lines between reality and fantasy. “It is all worth it. For Issei,” said one of the customers. It is their dream to get married to Issei. Many women who go to the host clubs have boyfriends or husbands, yet they still persist in the relationship. This led me to wonder, “Are boyfriends not enough to provide all that hosts provide?” According to Takeyama, “[Japanese] men are insensitive to women’s psychological needs”. When I asked one of my Japanese classmates regarding this statement, she said, “Foreign exchange students behave more gentlemanly towards ladies. Japanese men do not care.” In a constructed environment such as host clubs, where the hosts have an uncanny ability to intuitively sense the women’s needs and meet them, women view the hosts as their white-knights-in-shining-armour. It is conceivable why they would fall for the hosts. One host called women “weak”. I definitely have to agree with him.

One of Takeyama’s informants said that her neighbours would call her “the mother of So and So”. This loss of individuality is somewhat key to the phenomenon of married women visiting host clubs. I once asked my home-stay family’s mother’s friend, “What is your name?” Instead of her name, she replied with, “Oh, you can call me ST’s Mama.” This loss of individuality is internalized so that even when introducing themselves, they no longer introduce with a name. Instead, they introduce themselves with their position relative to the household. Hosts lie if they have to. They tell women that they are beautiful even if they are not because “it’s all about them”. So, it is not uncommon to find middle-aged women visiting these host clubs. They find renewed self-confidence and their identity prior to the marriage. I think these women feel constrained by societal roles and expectations and this is a way for them to break free.

I feel that the host club industry feeds on women’s insecurities and dreams (not so different from other industries). As long as there is a need to fulfill their dreams of an ideal man, I think host clubs are likely to continue to survive.

-end-

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Weather, weather, weather

For some strange reason, the temperature plunged from the day before. Monday, the highest was 20. Yesterday, the highest was 15. Today, the highest is 10. Tomorrow, it's expected to be 6-7. Isn't that a sharp drop??? And, the lowest last night was 4. Tonight, it's expected to be 2.

Hiroto, this guy who was my speaking partner during the SPJ class, told me over lunch today that he thinks it might snow in Dec-Jan.

I'm not looking forward to it. My fingers are cold all the time now. It's like having put them in a fridge. Worse, Kyoto, where I'm planning to go during the weekends, is much colder than Hirakata.

I've been eating quite heavy meals nowadays. Hmm, maybe it's because of the cold, but I cannot stop eating. And strangely, it's not because I'm hungry. I just can't stop eating. If you put three bowls of rice in front of me (like Okaasan did yesterday), I'd finish all up. And not feel full after that. But, the point is, I'm not hungry, at all! That's amazingly weird. Arh... The weather is playing havoc with my metabolism. =X

Lucia and Orrin tell me that I should take a cold shower. Then I won't feel so cold... *shudders* I mean, I understand the logic, but I can't bring myself to do it... I think... I'd catch pneumonia first.

Actually, the only warm place I can find is the school! Haha, at least they don't scrimp on heaters in school, so it's actually relatively warm. =) I find refuge in the CIE lounge and in the class :) I switched on the heater at home last night. I remember when I first came back from Tokyo, I felt so cold at night because I was used to the heater on when I was sleeping in Tokyo. So, I had to use the heater the first night I got back from Tokyo. But then, I got used to the cold again, till last night. I timed it to switch off after 1 hour (if I don't, it's a total waste of electricity since when I'm sleeping, I've got a mountain of blanket on me). Then, in the morning, I couldn't get up and change cos it's so bloody cold. An advice given by one of the other homestay student was: Wake up 1/2 hour earlier than you plan, switch on the heater and then sleep for another 1/2 hour. Wait for the room to warm up and then you can get out of bed. =) Good idea! Haha, maybe tonightttttttttt.... Since the temperature is expected to drop lowwwwwwwwwwwwww... =X

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Kyoto Imperial Palace - 16 Nov

This week, I have 4 tests. So, on Sunday, after only 3 hours of sleep, I wasn't really looking forward to go out to Kyoto Imperial Palace. But, Daryn and I are only left with a few days of wandering around Japan together, so I decided to not be so lazy and go and meet her.

Both of us actually intended to only stay in Kyoto till 11am, and then go back home cos I have a test and she has a presentation the next day. But, both of us reached home only at 6pm. Haha, you know what they say about best laid plans.

We were at Kyoto Imperial Palace to watch a Japanese soccer game. I don't know exactly the name of it. It was raining rather heavily today, so both Daryn and I got dripped on, even though we each had an umbrella. I've got some pictures and many videos of the soccer game. Haha. I'll upload the rest on facebook. Too many to show lah. Blogger requires me to upload them 5 at a time, while Facebook allows me to upload everything at once.

On the palace grounds, Daryn and I saw the reddest tree ever.















It's so... red!















Compare the one on the left with the one on the right. Haha, the one on the left is the tree that Daryn was standing under in the previous picture. See the contrast in colour?

We finally found the soccer game place after wandering around for maybe half an hour...















They started off the entire game with a really elaborate one step by one step bowing to the ball. Each of them walked a certain path, and then took their positions, while the next followed. Really interesting! haha.















And then they play. I have no idea how they calculate the scores. Haha. It's really strange to watch guys in traditional clothing kicking a ball around...















At the end of the game, they must bow to the ball too. This is one of the females in the game. I think we saw only 3 females out of the many who were in the game.

We didn't stay till the end of the game because both of us were being dripped on. It was like Kurama-hi Matsuri all over again, except this time we got some pictures of what we were there for.

Also, the Palace itself (not only the grounds) was open to the public! So, we ended up wandering around the well-kempt Palace. For FREE =)


































It's a bit misty because it was just after rain. [Still drizzling a little bit actually]











































All 3 colours! =)















I was taking dew drops. Came out pretty well...















I think this is one of the prettiest pictures. And it has both her and me in it. Haha. =)















And randomly walking in the imperial palace grounds landed us in one of those small ulu-ated shrines that no one ever visits except us who get lost. I swear, the amount of times we find ourselves at beautiful places when we get lost is uncountable.















I love pictures with the sky and the trees. I think it's so pretty.




















I think I spent at least one hour here with Daryn talking about something really important. No, really. It was important personal stuff.

Thereafter, we went on our way from Marutamachi to Sanjo Station, where we stopped by a playground and for the first time in AGES, sat on a swing that could handle my weight. =)




















Pretty yellow tree behind her. :)




















Daryn looks so happy, doesn't she? :)















I like this picture of me, because I look so utterly carefree and relaxed.

By the time we were done, it was about 1.30 by the time we left and both of us were hungry. I only ate half a sandwich in the morning cos I was more sleepy than hungry. So... I suggested to Daryn, "Let's go eat a proper lunch at a restaurant."

I swear, she was so happy I think she could cry.

Usually when we go out, either I'd make lunch for her (usually ham and cheese sandwich), or I'd make her bring food out. Cos, restaurants are really expensive in Kyoto (or Osaka, or Tokyo). But that day, I was too tired to make anything. And I didn't want her to starve to death before reaching home.

Haha, she tries her best to convince me to eat at a restaurant and have a good, proper lunch/dinner but I'd refuse everytime. So it totally shocked her today when I volunteered.

We ended up at the restaurant which Alex and I went the last time I went to Kyoto Imperial Palace.

We were ushered to a table just beside the mirror. Daryn said, "I can't believe we're sitting beside a mirror and you're not primping yourself" when I was poring over the menu. Haha, that's quite telling about me, isn't it? The narcissist. I replied, "Eh, that's cos I'm hungry. Wait after I order, then I'll start primping."

Tadah....






























Haha, one of those, "I'm so narcissist no one can beat me" kinda picture.















And a "I'm talking about serious stuff here" look :)















Haha, too many pictures of me, not enough of her...

It was a good restaurant too. not one of those ramen stalls or cheap curry rice stalls.




















I feel that the portions are HUGE. =( So, as usual, could not finish. Daryn couldn't stand rice being unfinished, so she finished everything else for me too. Haha. I swear, people who go out to eat with me eventually get fatter =P

Wanted to try some dessert at the place, but it was a bit too expensive for our taste. So, we headed to Kappa Sushi to have our dessert (coconut cake for me, and chocolate cake for her). Only 105 yen what. Haha.




















Super lame~




















I was really really really really tired by then actually... =X Haha~

At Kappa Sushi, we also planned out the rest of our weeks together. So, we've got activities planned out for every single day of the weekends except for this coming weekend. I kinda feel like skipping classes on Friday. It'd be a Friday ~ Monday holidays. 4 day weekend!!! I'm so exhausted every single day now, I really don't know what's wrong with me. *sighs* But of course, there's Kanji test every Friday. If I skip it, then next week, I can't skip it already =( *sighs* let me consider the options. After all, I'm left with only 3 weeks to skip lessons.

Haha, me skipping lessons (again)? Impossible! =P

On my list still to go: Mount Hiei [Tendai School, where Nichiren, Dogen and Shinran broke off. Haha. I shall see how to get there]