Maybe it's the impending end. I get the feeling that I've not done enough in Japan, yet, it's already ending. I've got so many other things I want to do in autumn, before all the leaves fall out. I need to go to Kyoto and see the red leaves. I need to go to Osaka to visit the zoo (yes, zoo and white tigers) and Osaka castle. I need to go to a gay bar and watch drag queens dance the night away (likely 6 dec, for Robbie's bday). But, the workload keeps on piling because I keep delaying doing my work. I cannot focus enough attention on any subjects other than Japanese.
My greatest fear is that when I return to Singapore, I will lose my ability to speak Japanese. I can continue reading and writing just fine on my own, but the ability to speak Japanese will be gone because if you don't use it, you lose it [just like my mandarin. It's half-past six].
I'm not saying that my Japanese is superb, but it improved so much so that it even surprises my Okaasan. From totally unable to speak Japanese to being able to sustain a 3-minute conversation in simple Japanese... I can even understand some bit of the morning news without help of Kanji. My friends who've studied Japanese for a year before coming over to Japan are impressed with my Japanese-picking up skills. Of course, the credit doesn't go to me. It goes to Daryn, my Senseis and the host family. Daryn especially, because she always teaches me new vocab and sentence structures and makes sure she uses a lot of Japanese with me. She's patient with me, and even though I need her to repeat many times, she does it anyway. The host family seldom speaks English with me, except Masayuki but then Masayuki started school so he's rarely at home to speak to me anymore. My Senseis are fantastically fluent in English, so they are really very very helpful. Most importantly, in Japan I can practise using the right intonation... At least, now I know jisho is pronounced ji (high) sho (low) instead of ji (low) sho (high).
ARG, my inability to speak Japanese in Singapore weighs heavily on my mind. I can't get past the fact that I'm not going to be able to speak Japanese anymore.
Strangely, the one dish I will miss most in Japan is udon. I know I complained about it to Oscar and his mom (BK has a new name, it's Oscar. I shall use Oscar from now onwards. MUAHAHAHA.). Every other dinner I have udon is one of the dishes. Sometimes, I have udon for lunch too. 安いですから。But then, I also realised that when I'm out, the thing I want to order is udon. The food I'm looking forward to at night is udon. Maybe it's something like mee hoon kway. 给我幸福的感觉。Haha, it's Okaasan's fault. She loves noodles, and so udon is one of her favourite dishes. I don't think I'd even miss Okonomiyaki or Takoyaki or Taiyaki or Yakitori or Yakisoba [all of which I think are famous in Osaka]. I definitely wouldn't miss onigiri. I would miss wagashi. All the different types of wagashi... *swoons*
I will also miss being able to wear leggings, woolen beret, scarves and coats. I will miss being able to layer my clothes. I will miss the weather very much. I dislike cold weather, but when the wind blows, it's so cold and sharp sometimes I welcome it. I will miss watching Red Carpet (Osaka comedians performing for a minute or so). I will miss listening to Japanese commercials and being angry that there are just so many of them. I will miss waking up to being warm and cold at the same time. I will definitely miss the convenience of emailing from my keitai. I will miss ocha and matcha. I will miss all the 100yen stores. I will miss seeing tsutaya and starbucks together. I will miss the announcements in the train station: まもなく、電車が直通します。ご注意下さい。 [I think that's how it's spelt. It means, train passing through. please be cautious.] and まもなく、電車が到着します。ご注意ください。 [train is coming to a stop. please be cautious.] and... 右／左側のドアが開きます。ご注意下さい。 haha. Daryn taught me the last one. She took at least a few days to teach me that because it is so long. I will miss being tested by Daryn on saying Marutamachi, Demachiyanagi, Otsukaresamadeshita in one breath. I will miss so much so much about Japan and my life here it's impossible to list all of them.
I've become so comfortable in this house, in this university, that I know for sure I'd cry when I leave. When will I ever return again? Maybe never. It's one of those 一期一会 things. You only meet once in your entire lifetime. It only happens once. Maybe I'd never see Okaasan or Wataru or Hikari or Masayuki, or Yuko or Otoosan for the rest of my life. Maybe I'd never ever ever see Daryn or Alex or Amy or Ashley or Robbie. But for my friends, it's a different story. If Alex is in France next year, I'll see him when I'm on my Europe trip. If I'm in UK next year, I'll see Amy (and Ashley if she comes to visit as well). And if I'm in Shanghai the year after next, I'd see Robbie. For Daryn though, I don't think I'd ever see her till I'm 30 or something. =( I'd have to go to US to look for her... I really really feel like changing my Huey In Europe to Huey In Japan 2 and wander about Japan for an entire month. Haha. Cher and FY will so kill me. =P I don't mind doing it by myself either... Japan (the touristy places at least) is safe. Safer than Spain for sure.
We're left with close to a month together. That's only 3 coffee breaks left. THREE COFFEE BREAKS. =( I don't see myself as someone who is clingy. But when you have to part, it's damned bloody sad lah. I know, I know... 天下无不散之宴席。But it's still sad. :'( I will have to go back to my (struggling) SMU career and the (recessive) Singapore economy. All these will seem like a dream. And I'd only have photos to prove that it did happen. You start appreciating and treasuring things more when it's coming to an end... But, it's just ending too quickly! Too quickly! =(
Of course, I can always look at it from another point of view. I've got my family and loads of friends waiting for me to go back in Singapore. Haha. I was pleasantly surprised when my brother MSN-ed me one day and told me that he missed me. I am always pleasantly surprised when people say they miss(ed) me, because, well, I don't really think that my presence would be missed lah. It's a nice feeling to be missed though. Haha. It means you are important in someone's life.
Anyways, today was an interesting day. Because it was a day of presents. Yes, PRESENTS =)
I decided not to go to the Pure Land Temple today with Kenney-sensei (ehem, even though I skipped the Zen temple trip on Tuesday also, to stay in Tokyo) because Okaasan invited me to go to 7-5-3 at SGI kaikan today. The first present I got was money. I won't divulge how much, but I was shocked when I eventually opened the packet just now. it's enough to cover my spending yesterday (A LOT OF shopping was done yesterday, once again). Then, we went to the kaikan and I selected chanting beads for my mom. Okaasan decided to buy me prayer beads (similar to the ones I selected for my mom), a gongyo book and a small purse to put the beads and book in. Ehem, needless to say, they were all pink. I tried rejecting, but she said that it was omiyage from her, and that it's for memories' sake. I think, it's also suddenly dawned upon her that the time with me is short. I accepted it lor. What can I say right? She didn't reject my peach wine, so who am I to reject her present? Thereafter, the shop owner and I struck up conversation. In my very limited Japanese, I told him where I came from, what I was doing in Japan and that my family is in SGI. Strangely, he was extremely impressed that my family is SGI. I don't understand why. But anyways, shortly before I left, he gave me three pairs of chopsticks, made from superb wood. The wood that is used to make an expensive butsudan. He said, "These chopsticks are for your family" and to convey his best wishes to my parents. Haha, and Okaasan ended up buying a whole lot of wagashi for us to eat because I told her I liked wagashi.
Darned it. I should have listened to Oscar and bought yokan from Toraya. Because... Okaasan said she loves yokan! -______-|| Darned it. Nevermind, when I visit Tokyo in December, I'll go get yokan and give it to her since my flight is in KIX anyways.
ARG. I miss Japan already, and I haven't even left it yet.
I can see one very important benefit in returning though. I get to hit a certain someone when I return. MSN is too virtual for me to inflict any pain. 神，you just wait till I return. I'll make sure I hit you for all those days I spent worrying about you. And you better get A+ for Finance or else I'll hit you even more. Haha, jiayou for MA and Finance! START CRAMMING.
For all SMU, NUS, and NTU students not on exchange, GOOD LUCK FOR EXAMS!!! =)
P.S. I saw this in one of my friend's status comments: "Going back to the SMU jail, happy anot?" HAHAHAHAHA. I was super amused. I'm going to get out of the SMU jail soon! But first, must serve another 1/2 year. =( Seemingly a lot of SMU students hate SMU. haha. does not bode well for the reputation of the school does it? esp not when people who returned from exchange from SMU tell their friends in their home university, "SMU is a tough school". I think SMU is a good school. It trains us hard and well. But, it's also a damned stressful place... I don't even remember how to survive in SMU. I'm afraid of drowning in SMU school work. *shudders* Have no idea how 神 does it though. =X Another one of my friend's MSN nick was, "2, 4, 6, 8. I can't wait to graduate!" and "studying = student dying."HAHAHAHAHA. I'll miss SMU. *rolls eyes.* NEVER. I will miss KGU, but never, EVER SMU. That I can almost say for sure. [of course, never say never. 梁静如的<崇拜>：我还以为不可能的，不会不可能. used out of context, but has the same meaning almost. =)]
P.P.S. Like I said, I was shopping yesterday (bought 6 articles of clothing). In our random walk around the shop, Daryn found this and insisted I wear it because she says I'm a narcissist.
I thought it was okay, not worth the price though. I bought a thicker shirt (3L = XXL) which acts as my PJs. I love it! =) Haha, utterly not suited for Singapore weather, but I love it :P
I WANT A HAKAMA FROM JAPAN!
ReplyDeleteAnd you'd wear it over your yukata?
ReplyDelete